


Sand and Stone

by sinnerforhire



Series: 365 Days of J2 Fanfic [23]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bottom Jensen, Coitus Interruptus, Flashbacks, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Jensen Plays Guitar, M/M, Manhandling, Massage, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Scars, School Shootings, Service Dogs, Walks On The Beach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-14 18:14:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9197582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnerforhire/pseuds/sinnerforhire
Summary: Jared is a school shooting survivor with PTSD. While walking on the beach, he meets a mysterious guitar player with issues of his own.





	1. Meeting the Mystery Musician

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt "walls the color of tears."

_”Come on, man, we can talk about this.”_

_The click of the safety seems as loud as a firecracker. “I’m done talking.”_

_Jared inches to the left, towards his students. “Just—let the kids go. Please?”_

_One corner of Aaron’s lip turns up in a sneer. “Everyone who’s never made fun of me or said something bad about me can go.”_

_There’s a slight shuffling noise as Azeezah Adeseun, the class’s only Muslim, gets up. She’s never said an unkind word about anyone that Jared’s ever heard. Aaron looks at her, and Jared holds his breath as he nods and gestures towards the door. She creeps past him, to the door, and slips out, closing it behind her._

_“That’s a good start,” says Jared, his voice shaking. “But maybe—”_

_“Shut up!” The gun barrel swings into Jared’s eyeline, and before he knows what’s happening, it goes off._

Jared jerks awake with a start. His service dog, Sadie, has one paw on his shoulder, trying to shake him awake. He runs a hand over his face, swiping away sweat and tears. Everything in his room is the color of tears, even the walls and Sadie herself. Sadie’s muzzle swims in his blurred vision as he shakily sits up. 

Sadie jumps up on the bed and curls around Jared’s unscarred side. He clasps a hand around the back of her neck and tries to catch his breath. Sadie didn’t start out as a service dog, but a local organization trained her after Jared received his PTSD diagnosis and his psychiatrist suggested getting one. 

There’s only one way for Jared to get out of his head now, so he climbs out of bed on wobbly legs and puts on his flip-flops. He moved to a beach apartment when he discovered that the beach was the only place he could really feel relaxed. His landlord is a former Marine and gives him a break on the rent because he’s been there too. 

Jared puts Sadie’s work jacket on and then clips on her leash. He pulls on a hoodie and cargo shorts and the two of them head down to the beach.

The sun is just starting to peek up from the horizon, tinting the gentle waves lavender and pink. Jared pulls off his flip-flops and walks barefoot in the sand. There’s a jetty about two hundred yards from where they are now, and Jared likes to go out and sit on it to watch the tide come in. 

As they approach the jetty, Jared starts to hear soft strains of…music? He stops and tries to tune in his hearing. Yeah, it sounds like a guitar, and it seems to be coming from the jetty. He peers out and sees what could be a figure sitting on the first curve.

As he moves closer, he hears the music better. It’s nothing he recognizes, and every now and then he catches scraps of words sung in a rich baritone voice. The figure has his back to them, but Jared can see the neck of the guitar and the arm supporting it. 

When Jared steps onto the jetty, the music stops. The player is about ten feet down, close enough for Jared to see his short, sandy brown hair and the honey-gold wood of the guitar. “Sorry, didn’t know anyone else was here,” the guy says.

“Don’t stop on my account,” replies Jared, his voice rougher than he would like.

The guys grins and starts to strum. This time, Jared recognizes the song as U2’s “Running to Stand Still.” Jared inches closer as the guy starts to sing. His voice is beautiful—polished, but not overly so, and perfect for the song. Jared could listen to it all day, and hopes he’ll get a chance to.

He and Sadie sit down about two feet away from the player and Jared takes a good look at him for the first time. He’s got the most sinful lips Jared’s ever seen, along with green eyes the color of gemstones and a few days’ growth of stubble on his chiseled jawline and freckles, God, the freckles. He’s never seen so many freckles on a brunet before. He also never knew he had a thing for freckles until he saw this guy, but man, he’d like to lick every single one of them.

The song ends, and Jared claps softly. The guy’s cheeks turn pink and he ducks his head, and it’s far cuter than it should be on a grown man. “Thanks,” he mumbles. “I’m Jensen, by the way.”

“Jared,” replies Jared. “And this is Sadie. Nice to meet you.”

“You got any requests?” asks Jensen.

“You puttin’ on a show?”

Jensen chuckles. “Not really. Just killing time. But I thought I’d be polite.”

“Play something you like,” replies Jared.

Jensen pauses, arranges his fingers, and starts playing “Colder Weather” by Zac Brown Band. It’s a lovely song, and Jensen more than does it justice. But the melancholy tone starts to get to Jared about halfway through, and he has to ask Jensen to stop.

Jensen frowns. “Is something wrong?”

Jared takes a deep breath. “Just—I don’t like sad songs.”

“I didn’t think—” Jensen stops and lowers his voice. “Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Jared looks down at the water. “I know,” he whispers. But in his head, he hears hymns, the electric piano that was playing at the memorial service, and sees faces, all the faces of the kids he couldn’t save. 

Sadie woofs softly and presses both paws on his knee, trying to ground him. She nudges his chin with her nose, and Jared blinks back tears again. Now Jensen and his guitar are the color of tears, and Jared’s tired, he’s so _tired_ of this. 

“Jared?” 

Jared shakes his head. “Sorry.” He runs a hand over his face. “I, uh—I’ll be okay.”

Jensen looks dubious, but instead starts strumming his guitar again, this time playing “Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty, which is a much better choice. Jared closes his eyes and tries to practice being mindful and staying in the present and _only_ the present. He breathes deeply, counting to five on the inhale and seven on the exhale. He opens his eyes and finds the five things he can see (Jensen, the guitar, Sadie, the jetty, and the ocean), four things he can hear (the guitar strings, Jensen’s voice, the waves hitting the stone, and Sadie’s breath), three things he can smell (Sadie, the ocean, and the laundry detergent he washes his clothes in), two things he can taste (salt air, and he licks his lips), and one thing he can touch (Sadie’s fur). When he feels calmer, he pats Sadie’s neck twice to let her know she can relax, and she lies down next to him. 

Jensen finishes the song and stills the strings. Jared smiles. “That was great.”

“Thanks.” Jensen looks over at him. “You okay now?”

Jared nods. “Yeah.”

“Does that happen a lot?”

Jared shrugs. “More than I’d like.”

“Are you a veteran?”

Jared shakes his head. “No. It was a…a school shooting.”

Jensen blanches. “Oh wow. I’m so sorry. Shit, I didn’t mean to pry. It’s really none of my business.”

“‘S okay,” says Jared. “Just, play something else.”

Jensen nods. “Can do.” He starts playing Led Zeppelin's “Ramble On.” Jared grins. That’s one of his favorites.

When Jensen’s finished, Jared smiles at him. “I love that song,” he tells him.

Jensen smiles back, the corners of his eyes crinkling up in an absolutely adorable way. “Me too.”

Jared looks at his watch. “I gotta take her home and feed her,” he says. “I live pretty close. You wanna come and have some coffee?”

Jensen grins. “I’d love to.”

“Are you from around here?” asks Jared.

Jensen shakes his head. “Just passing through, really.”

“Well, you can pass through my kitchen first,” replies Jared.

Jensen chuckles. “Sounds like a plan.”


	2. Stay With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared takes Jensen home and learns a little more about him.

Jensen follows Jared and Sadie into Jared’s apartment. Jared removes Sadie’s leash and jacket, and she bounds into the kitchen. Jared pours kibble in her bowl and refreshes her water, and she goes to town. Jared starts the coffee and gestures for Jensen to have a seat at the kitchen table. “I’ve got English muffins and ham if you’re hungry,” says Jared, tugging at the hem of his t-shirt. He feels oddly exposed with Jensen sitting at his table, across which is scattered unopened mail, empty food wrappers, and half-filled prescription bottles. 

“I’ll take an English muffin, thanks,” replies Jensen. 

Jared grabs two muffins out of the pantry and puts them in the toaster oven. He takes butter and strawberry jam out of the fridge and moves a stack of insurance claim letters to set them in front of Jensen, along with a butter knife. “I’m sorry about the mess.”

Jensen shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s understandable.”

Jared frowns. “What does that mean?”

Jensen holds up a hand. “Just—you’re obviously not in the best headspace. I’m not judging you, I promise.”

The coffee finishes brewing, so Jared pours some into an Oxnard Library mug and sets it in front of Jensen. “Need cream? Or sugar?”

“No, this is great, thanks.” Jensen smiles. “Relax, man. Believe me, this is paradise compared to where I usually get to eat.”

“What does that mean?” The toaster oven beeps and Jared removes the muffins, putting them both on paper plates. He hands one to Jensen and sits down with the other.

Jensen busies himself with buttering his muffin. “I, uh…I’m kinda…I’m pretty broke. I play my guitar for spare change, and I…well, I steal stuff sometimes.”

“Oh.” Jared doesn’t really know what to say. “Are you—where do you sleep?”

Jensen shrugs. “Wherever I can.”

“You said you were just passing through,” Jared recalls. “Where are you going?”

“Ultimately? Seattle, I was hoping.”

“How are you getting there?” Jared frowns. “Are you hitching?”

Jensen looks down at the table. “Guilty as charged.”

Jared decides not to say what he’s thinking. “What’s in Seattle?”

“A friend,” answers Jensen. “And a job, hopefully.”

“Where did you come from?”

“Texas.” 

Jared’s eyes widen. “You hitched here from _Texas_?”

Jensen shakes his head. “I had a car up until the Arizona border. It died on me, so I started hitching.”

Jared bites his lip. “That’s not safe.”

Jensen picks at his muffin. “It’s not so bad.”

“I have a car,” says Jared. He hasn’t driven it in several months, after he got caught in a thunderstorm and had a panic attack on the side of the road. “I could drive you to Seattle.” 

Jensen shakes his head vehemently. “No, that’s too much, I would never ask that.”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering.” Jared’s voice shakes, and he digs a fingernail into the tip of his thumb, using the pain to stay present.

“No, that’s not necessary,” says Jensen. “In fact, I was thinking about sticking around for a while.”

Jared raises an eyebrow. “You were?”

Jensen gives him a small smile. “I like the beach.” He takes a sip of coffee. “I’ve never been to the beach before. It’s nice. Quiet.”

“I love the beach,” replies Jared. “It’s the only place I feel safe.”

For a long moment they both eat in silence. Finally, Jared ventures a question in a small voice. “What are you running from?”

“What makes you think I’m running?”

Jared meets Jensen’s eyes. Jensen holds his gaze for only a second before looking away. “Abusive boyfriend,” he answers, barely audible.

“I’m sorry.”

Jensen shrugs. “It is what it is.”

Jared takes a large swallow of his coffee. “Stay with me,” he blurts out.

Jensen chokes on a crumb and starts coughing. “What?”

“Stay here. Please.” Jared lowers his voice. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

Jensen takes a deep breath. “I don’t, either.” He looks up, confusion and fear clouding his expressive green eyes. “Are you sure?”

Jared nods. Sadie trots over and sits beside Jared’s chair. He pets her, and she rests her jaw on his leg. “I’m fucked up,” he says, “but so are you. We can be fucked up together.”

Jensen allows a small grin at that. “Better than being fucked up alone.”

“Way better,” agrees Jared.

“Okay,” says Jensen, nodding. “At least for now.”

Sadie wags her tail and Jared smiles. He raises his coffee cup. “To being less fucked up together than we are by ourselves.”

Jensen clinks his nearly-empty mug against Jared’s. “Hear, hear.”


	3. All the Time in the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared makes a move. It doesn't end well.

After breakfast, they pack up Jensen’s guitar, Sadie’s toys, a blanket, and some food and head back down to the beach. It’s January, so the beach is pretty much deserted. They spread the blanket out on the sand, weighing it down with the guitar case on one end and the cooler at the other, and Jared grabs a well-chewed Frisbee and shows it to Sadie. “You wanna play, baby girl?”

Sadie barks happily and trots down the beach. Jared flings the Frisbee towards her and she springs into the air to catch it. Jared grins. “That’s my girl!” 

Sadie runs back, Frisbee clamped between her jaws, and she drops it at Jared’s feet. Jared holds it out to Jensen. “Want a try?”

Jensen accepts the Frisbee with a grin. “Sure.” He lets Sadie sprint back into position before he tosses it into the air with a small grunt of effort. Sadie jumps with abandon, throwing her whole body into it, and snaps it out of the air with ease. 

They keep playing for about half an hour, till Sadie starts to slow down. Jared calls her back and pours bottled water into a collapsible bowl for her. She drinks it greedily, slopping a bit onto the sand, and Jared rubs her back and gives her more. 

Jensen takes off his shoes and stretches out on the blanket, leaning back on his hands and letting the weak winter sunlight warm his face and neck. Jared puts the half-empty water bottle back in the cooler and reclines next to Jensen while Sadie trots off to chase the waves that lap gently at the shoreline. 

“I can see why you feel safe here,” says Jensen softly. “It’s so peaceful.”

Jared nods. “It feels like nothing bad could happen here.”

Sadie joins them after a few quiet minutes, lying down beside the cooler and settling her head down on her paws for a nap. Jared lightly strokes her neck and back, her fur soft and silky under his fingers. The breeze is picking up and the sun falters, slipping behind billowy gray clouds every once in a while. 

Jensen unlatches his guitar case and pulls out his guitar. Jared takes a good look at it for the first time. It’s obviously well cared for, no scratches or dents in the glossy wood, and there’s a sunburst design around the sound hole. Jensen plucks at the strings and adjusts the tuning. Then he launches into a slow, melodic song that Jared’s never heard before. It’s beautiful, though, and Jensen’s rich baritone glides over the unfamiliar words.. When it ends, Jared still wants more. “Nice song,” he says, though it seems insufficient.

“Thanks,” murmurs Jensen. Then he launches into a song Jared does recognize, “Going to California” by Led Zeppelin. Jensen captures the yearning, the uncertainty, with ease and grace. His fingers dance over the strings along well-traveled paths. The honey-gold instrument has a rich, honeyed tone as well, one that complements Jensen’s voice beautifully. 

“I had to make a choice,” says Jensen, apropos of nothing. “The car or her.” He strokes the curve of the guitar body with a reverent hand. “I picked her.”

“Good choice,” replies Jared. 

Jensen ducks his head. “Didn’t always seem like it when I was blowing truck drivers in exchange for rides.”

Jared frowns. He doesn’t really know what to say to that. “I’m sorry.” He looks down at his hands, feeling lame.

He starts to pluck out another song Jared doesn’t recognize until he starts singing. It’s an R.E.M. song he’s heard once or twice, but not for a long, long time. His college roommate loved R.E.M. and played them night and day. 

“I tripped and fell,” sings Jensen. “Did I fall…what I want to feel, I want to feel it now…”

As soon as the song ends, Jared presses his lips to Jensen’s. Jensen doesn’t reciprocate, and it’s only a second before he’s pushing Jared away. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I just—I can’t. I’m not ready.” He hangs his head. “Please don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” replies Jared. “And I’m not mad. I get it. I haven’t actually touched anyone since—um, in a really long time.”

Jensen sighs. “I hate this. I hate _him_.” He rubs the back of his neck. “It’ll never be the same.”

“Believe me, I get that,” says Jared. He reaches out and covers Jensen’s hand with his own. “There’s so many places I can’t go, things I can’t hear without—you know, freaking out.”

Jensen nods sadly. “It’s not that I don’t like you,” he says softly. “Because I do. I like you a lot.”

“I like you too,” replies Jared. 

Jensen smiles half-heartedly. Jared scoots around till he’s sitting right beside Jensen and tentatively stretches an arm across his shoulders. Jensen doesn’t pull away. “It’ll take time,” Jared whispers in Jensen’s ear. “We’ve got time.”

Jensen smiles for real this time. He rests his head on Jared’s shoulder and places his hand on Jared’s hip.

“We’ve got time,” repeats Jared. “All the time in the world.”


	4. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared has a bad night, but a better morning.

_The intercom crackles to life. “Attention all staff, we have a Code Black in progress. I repeat: Code Black in progress.”_

_Jared’s eyes widen. Code Black is active shooter. They’ve had drills in this, but Jared never expected it to actually happen. He turns around. “Okay, guys, everybody get down underneath your desks and sit tight till I tell you you can get up.”_

_Jared walks over to the door, intending to lock it, but before he can, the doorknob gets yanked out of his hand and the door flies open to reveal Aaron Handler, one of his students, glaring over the barrel of a large handgun._

_Jared puts his hands up. “Move!” Aaron barks, and Jared steps to the side to let him through. He remembers his training—_ don’t try to be a hero _._

_“Get up, you pussies!” shouts Aaron, waving the gun around. Jared nods and the students crawl out from under their desks and sit back in their chairs. “Y’all are gonna pay for what you’ve done.”_

_“Please don’t hurt anyone,” pleads Jared. “We can talk about this.”_

_Aaron swings the gun around and points it directly at Jared’s face. “I’m done talki—”_

Jared jerks awake. Sadie’s paw is on one shoulder, and Jensen’s hand is on the other. “Hey, you okay?” whispers Jensen, who’s leaning up on one elbow, frowning in the dim light of the bedside clock. 

Jared shakes his head and sits up. Sadie jumps up on the bed and nudges Jensen out of her spot. She presses herself to Jared’s side, places a heavy paw on his knee, and he runs a hand down her neck, trying to slow down his rapid breathing and come back to the present moment. 

“Is there anything I can do?” asks Jensen. 

Jared pets Sadie slowly. “Sing,” he gasps between harsh pants.

Jensen nods and starts to sing “Come Sail Away,” of all ridiculous things, and Jared actually smiles. Sadie lays her head down on Jared’s legs and Jared works on regulating his breathing, pursing his lips and exhaling hard through his mouth as though he’s trying to blow out a candle. 

“But we’ll try, best that we can…to carry on,” croons Jensen softly. Jared nods and lifts his hand away from Sadie’s fur to pat Jensen’s arm in encouragement. Jensen smiles and sings the next part. Jared returns his hand to Sadie’s head and strokes her soft, bristly fur. He wipes some sweat off his forehead with his other hand. 

Jensen finishes the song and clasps Jared’s shoulder. “You good now?”

Jared nods. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Does that happen every night?”

Jared closes his eyes. “Just about,” he admits.

“That’s rough.” 

“Yeah.” Jared leans back against the pillow. He pats Sadie’s head twice to signal that he’s okay and she steps over him to leave the bed. 

Jensen slides right into her place, resting his head on the same pillow and slipping his arm across Jared’s waist. “Is this okay?” he whispers.

It’s better than okay. It’s exactly what Jared’s always wanted. He nods. “It’s great, thanks.”

Jensen smiles softly. “I’ll keep you safe,” he promises. 

Jared sleeps through the rest of the night unbroken for the first time in over a year.

* * *

When Jared gets out of bed the next morning to feed Sadie, Jensen’s already in the kitchen. A pan sizzles on the stove and Jared can smell onions and eggs cooking. He’s pretty sure he didn’t have those things when he went to bed.

Jensen looks over his shoulder and grins. “I hope you don’t mind, I walked to the market and picked up a few things.” He points to the full coffee pot. “There’s coffee if you want it.”

“You didn’t have to do all this,” replies Jared, but he picks up a red coffee mug that says “I’m silently correcting your grammar” and pours himself a generous cup. 

“I wanted to,” says Jensen. “It’s the least I can do, considering you’re giving me a place to sleep and three meals a day.”

“You’re kind of too good to be true, you know,” says Jared as he stirs caramel-flavored creamer into his coffee. “Man, I haven’t slept like that since before the—um, before.”

Jensen beams. “That’s great.” He starts to say something else, but the toaster oven beeps. “You wanna get that?” 

“Sure.” Jared retrieves the toast from the oven and sets it on the plates—real plates, not paper ones—that Jensen has sitting out on the counter. 

Jensen turns off the gas burner and spoons half an omelet onto each plate. He brings both plates to the table and pops open a jar of salsa that Jared also didn’t have when he went to bed. “Man, this looks amazing,” says Jared, grinning. “I’m too lazy to cook like this for myself.”

Jensen chuckles. “Well, I used to work in a diner, so this is second nature for me. I’m more than willing to earn my keep here.”

Jared takes a bite of the omelet. It’s got the leftover ham he’s been eating since Christmas and cheddar cheese as well, and it’s fantastic. “Wow, this is really good,” he tells Jensen.

Jensen’s cheeks turn pink. “Thanks,” he mumbles. “It’s nothing special.”

“Even so.” Jared scoops some eggs onto his toast. “Thank you. You really didn’t have to.”

“Well, I wanted to,” replies Jensen. He drinks some coffee and takes a bite of his own toast. 

When they’re done, Jared jumps up and grabs Jensen’s plate. “I’ll clean, since you cooked.”

“I can help,” offers Jensen.

Jared shakes his head. “No! Stay put.” He picks up Jensen’s mug and carries everything to the sink. It doesn’t take long to clean the dishes, and Jared grabs Sadie’s empty bowl and cleans that as well. 

When Jared finishes the dishes, he realizes that it’s raining outside. Drops lightly tap at the window, no longer drowned out by the running water. “Not a great beach day,” says Jared. “I gotta walk Sadie, though. But you can hang here.”

“No, I’ll come,” says Jensen. “You got an extra umbrella?”

Jared opens the coat closet and hands him the smaller one he used to keep in his car. He also hands Jensen a hoodie that’s slightly too small on him, but it’s still too large for Jensen, who has to roll up the sleeves a couple times to release his hands. Jared frowns, realizing he’s never seen Jensen with a suitcase. “Didn’t you bring clothes?”

Jensen shakes his head sadly. “I snuck out in the middle of the night. I didn’t take anything, because I didn’t want to tip him off that I was leaving for good.”

Jared frowns. “We need to take you shopping.”

“I don’t have any money,” Jensen replies in a barely audible voice.

“Don’t worry about it,” says Jared. “I’ll take you to the thrift store and front you twenty bucks. Should be able to get everything you’ll need.”

Jensen sighs. “I’ll pay you back, I promise.”

Jared clips Sadie’s leash onto her collar. “That’s not necessary.”

“I insist.”

Jared leads Sadie and Jensen out the door and locks it behind them. They both open their umbrellas and head down the sidewalk. “This is a nice town,” says Jensen. “Did you grow up here?”

Jared shakes his head. “I’m from Texas. I moved out here to go to UCLA and then got a job right after graduation. I taught in a school in Anaheim, and then after the—well, _after_ , I moved here to be close to the beach.”

“Where in Texas?” asks Jensen.

“San Antonio,” answers Jared. “You’re from Texas, too, right?”

Jensen nods. “Dallas area. This is the first time I’ve ever been outside of Texas.”

Jared lowers his voice. “You can’t go back, can you?”

Jensen shakes his head sadly. “I miss it,” he whispers. 

“I’m sorry.” Jared puts his arm around Jensen’s shoulders and draws him close. 

Jensen takes a deep, shaking breath. Jared squeezes Jensen’s shoulder, giving him the support Jared’s always gotten from Sadie. Jensen swipes a hand over his eyes. “Sorry, I’m so—it’s just—”

“It’s okay,” murmurs Jared. He steers them down a quiet side street and stops Sadie. He steps off the curb and sits down, guiding Jensen to do the same. Sadie sits down between them. Jared takes Jensen’s hand and presses it to Sadie’s neck. Sadie, sensing a human in distress, nuzzles close to Jensen and licks his face. Jensen can’t help but grin as Sadie lavishes love and support on him. “Good girl,” murmurs Jared. “That’s my good girl.”

Finally, Jensen gently nudges Sadie away and stands up. “Thank you,” he says, first to Sadie and then to Jared. He pats Sadie’s head. “You’re very good at your job,” he tells her with a grin. He turns that grin on Jared next. “You trained her well.”

“I had help,” says Jared. “But thank you.”

They walk the rest of the way in companionable silence, hand in hand, with Sadie bounding along between them. _This is nice_ thinks Jared. _I could get used to this._


	5. The Promise of More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen gets new clothes and a new gig.

The next morning dawns clear and cold, so Jared decides they have to get Jensen some clothes before they do anything else. They walk Sadie down to the thrift store and Jensen picks out a few things, jeans and t-shirts and flannel shirts and a hoodie that actually fits him. Jared insists he take a green button-down that does amazing things for his eyes and a black leather bomber jacket that makes him look like a magazine cover model. Jensen blushes and stammers as Jared carries the two items to the register and sets them down on top of the small pile that Jensen’s collected. The total comes to a little more than the twenty dollars Jared expected, but he’s not upset. 

“I’ll pay you back,” Jensen insists as the cashier bags up his new wardrobe. “I don’t know how, but I will.”

As they’re walking back to Jared’s apartment, they pass a coffee shop that Jared’s never really paid much attention to, but something catches Jensen’s eye and he stops. “Hey, they’re looking for musicians,” he says. “Let me go talk to them.”

Jared sits down on a bench with Sadie while Jensen goes inside. About ten minutes later, he comes back with two coffees and a grin on his face. “I’ve got a gig on Thursday night,” he reports with a proud smile and a hint of blush on his cheeks.

Jared accepts the coffee and catches Jensen’s hand, squeezing it in encouragement. “That’s great, man. Good for you.”

Jensen sits down beside him, but Jared doesn’t let his hand go. “They said there’s potential for a regular gig, every other Thursday, if they like me.”

Jared smiles. “I’m sure they’ll love you.” He nudges Jensen’s knee with their clasped hands. “You’re very lovable.”

Jensen’s cheeks flush darker. “You’re biased,” he argues weakly. 

“Maybe I am,” admits Jared, “but you’re gonna do great.”

“Thanks,” murmurs Jensen. He sips his coffee. “I wish I had my demos with me. Maybe I can try to save up money to make a new one.”

“I have GarageBand on my laptop,” says Jared. “It would probably be cheaper to get a good mic than to pay for studio time.”

Jensen bites his lip. “I couldn’t pay you back right away.”

“Stop worrying about that,” replies Jared, squeezing Jensen’s hand. “I have some insurance money in the bank. It’s not a problem.”

Jensen shakes his head. “You’ve done so much for me already. I don’t want to take advantage of you any more than I already have.”

“Jensen, look at me,” Jared says gently, turning on the bench to face Jensen. He sets down his coffee cup, takes Jensen’s out of his hand, and grips both of Jensen’s hands in his. “You’re helping me as much as I’m helping you, okay? It’s not a one-sided arrangement. Please don’t feel like you’re taking advantage. _I_ don’t feel that way.”

Jensen ducks his head, but Jared catches his chin and tips it back up. Then he leans in and kisses Jensen. This time, Jensen doesn’t totally resist. Jared depends the kiss just slightly, tasting the medium roast on Jensen’s lips. He lets go of Jensen’s hands and brings one palm up to the back of Jensen’s neck. He inches closer and teases Jensen’s lips apart with his tongue. Jensen slowly relaxes into the kiss, allowing Jared’s tongue past his lips to tangle with Jensen’s own. 

Jared only breaks the kiss when he needs to breathe. He smiles softly at Jensen, who returns it with a bit of hesitation. Jensen’s cheeks are flushed from both the cold and the passion, and his lips are just a bit plumper than usual. 

Jared stands up and extends a hand. “Come on, let’s go home and do this right.”

Jensen smiles shyly and accepts Jared’s hand. “Yeah, let’s go home.”


	6. He Took Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen get closer...but it's too close for Jensen.

“This is the least romantic come-on in the history of come-ons,” says Jared with an apologetic grin, “but we desperately need to do your laundry.”

Jensen snorts. “Yeah, I’ll say!” But he takes off his borrowed hoodie straight away, and Jared reaches out to stop him from removing his gray t-shirt.

“I wanna do this right,” breathes Jared. He slips a hand underneath the hem of Jensen’s t-shirt and skims his fingers over the warm, smooth skin at the small of his back. He peppers Jensen’s stubbled jaw with little kisses as he rucks up Jensen’s shirt from the back, pausing to slip it over his head. He tosses it into the laundry hamper with one hand and uses the other to unfasten Jensen’s jeans. He gently eases the jeans off of Jensen’s hips and sweeps Jensen right up off his feet. Jensen lets out a small yelp of surprise as Jared deposits him on the bed as if he weighed no more than a child. Jared slides Jensen’s jeans and boxers down his legs and right off of him with the utmost care. Jensen’s cheeks are nearly as flushed as his rapidly stiffening cock, and Jared presses a kiss to each of Jensen’s cheekbones before whispering, “Hold that thought.”

Jared collects the laundry and gets it in the machine in record time. When he gets back, Jensen’s on his knees at the edge of the bed, and he seizes the front of Jared’s hoodie and yanks him in for a bruising kiss. 

“You’re incredibly overdressed,” complains Jensen.

Jared smirks. “Do something about it.”

Jensen pulls Jared’s hoodie and t-shirt off in one swift move, and Jared moves to kiss him when suddenly Jensen jerks backwards, eyes wide. Jared traces Jensen’s gaze down to his scarred side and inwardly groans. 

“Holy shit,” hisses Jensen. “Are you—does that hurt?”

Jared presses a hand to the jagged, puckered scar. He shakes his head. “Not anymore. It just looks ugly.”

“Fuck.” Jensen rocks back on his heels. “I had no idea.”

“Could you pretend you still don’t?” begs Jared. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sure there’s plenty in your past that you don’t want to talk about either.”

Jensen’s eyes go dark. He takes a deep breath and rises back up on his knees. “You’re right,” he whispers. “Battered, but not broken, right?”

“Right,” breathes Jared, kissing Jensen hard enough to bruise. Jensen shoves Jared’s trackpants and boxers down off his hips and Jared steps out of them. Jared climbs onto the bed next to Jensen and pulls Jensen down onto his side, never breaking the kiss. He then rolls Jensen onto his back and straddles Jensen’s hips, pressing their thick, leaking cocks together and eliciting a rough moan of pleasure from Jensen. 

Jensen tips his head up, exposing the long golden expanse of his throat. Jared nips at that perfect, unblemished skin, not hard enough to mark, just hard enough to make Jensen arch his back and buck his hips. 

“So gorgeous like this,” moans Jared, grinding their hot, heavy cocks together and fisting them both in one hand. Jared reaches past Jensen and opens the drawer of his nightstand to retrieve lube and condoms that are probably past their expiration date, but are just going to have to do. 

Jensen suddenly goes rigid under Jared’s hands and starts to push him off. “No, this—I don’t— _fuck_.” Jared sits back as Jensen rolls onto his stomach and buries his face in his hands.

“Jensen, what—” Jared stretches out alongside him and places a gentle hand on his back. “Talk to me, baby, please. What’s wrong?”

Jensen shakes his head. “I d-don’t—I just c-can’t.”

“Can’t what?” Jared rubs Jensen’s back in slow, calming circles. “I’m not gonna hurt you, Jen. I would never hurt you.”

“It’s n-not you,” gasps Jensen. “It’s m-me. I’m so f-f-fucked up.”

Jared pushes up on one elbow and gently grasps Jensen’s shoulder. “C’mere,” he urges Jensen, and pulls him into his arms. Jensen buries his head in Jared’s shoulder and Jared covers them both with the blanket. “I’m sorry,” whispers Jensen.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” replies Jared with a small smile. “I’m not mad at you. It’d be awfully hypocritical if I was.”

Jensen takes a few ragged breaths. “I hate this,” he mutters. “He took everything. I’ve got nothing left. Not even me.”

“You need help,” Jared says softly. “More help than I can give you.” 

“You mean like a counselor?” 

Jared nods. “Yeah, or a support group. Someone you can talk to, who knows the right things to say. Because I don’t.”

Jensen’s still for a long moment, but then he nods. “Prob’ly a good idea.”

“I’ll call my therapist later, see if she can recommend someone.” Jared pulls Jensen even closer and presses a soft kiss to the top of his head. “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

“I just want a clean start,” murmurs Jensen. “But everywhere I go, he’s still there.” 

“Is there anything I can do?” asks Jared. 

Jensen gives him a wobbly smile. “You’re doing it already.”


	7. Wanna Give Me Kisses Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen make out on the beach.

After Jensen’s clothes finish drying, Jared takes Jensen and Sadie down to the beach. He leads them to the end of the jetty to sit and watch the gentle waves break against the solid stone. Jared positions Sadie between them, and she rests her head on Jared’s knee while Jared and Jensen’s hands meet on her back. Jared pets Sadie a few more times before taking Jensen’s hand in his. The stone is cold beneath their denim-clad legs, and the soft lapping of waves against barrier is the only sound they hear. A cool breeze, scented of salt, ruffles their hair. It’s peaceful out there, just the three of them, alone, but not lonely. Not anymore.

“I’m sorry,” murmurs Jensen after a few minutes. 

“I forgive you,” Jared replies, squeezing Jensen’s hand.

Jensen sighs. “It’s almost like—you being so nice almost makes it worse.”

“Why?” Jared frowns.

“Because I’m used to people only being nice when they want something.”

Jared bites his lip. Jensen goes on. “Or because they want me to keep quiet about something they did.”

“I’m not like that,” protests Jared in a low voice. 

Jensen nods. “I know. I’m just still getting used to that, you know? It’s—weird, almost.”

Jared shakes his head. “You really knew some awful people.”

“I know,” whispers Jensen.

Jared reaches over Sadie, who’s napping peacefully between them, and draws Jensen’s face close enough to press a gentle kiss to his lips. “You’re safe now,” he murmurs, and then kisses Jensen again. “I’ll keep you safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you, Jensen. I promise.”

The corners of Jensen’s mouth turn up in a hesitant smile. He nods. “Thank you,” he breathes, looking down at the waves. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Yeah, you do,” replies Jared. He rests a hand on the back of Jensen’s neck. “I need you as much as you need me. Maybe more. I’m tired of being alone, with nothing but bad memories for company.”

Jensen nods. Jared brushes his fingers through the soft, short hairs just above the nape of Jensen’s neck. Jensen leans back into the touch. Jared rubs his thumb over the base of Jensen’s neck and Jensen closes his eyes. “That feels good,” he murmurs.

“I can make you feel good,” says Jared. “If you’ll let me.”

“I want to,” replies Jensen. “It’s just hard.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” Jared runs a fingertip lightly over the shell of Jensen’s ear and Jensen shivers. “Trust me.”

Jensen’s breath hitches. “I do.”

“Good.” Jared runs his thumb down the sharp line of Jensen’s stubbled jaw. He uses his thumb to tip Jensen’s head to the side and peppers Jensen’s jawline with tiny kisses. Then he captures Jensen’s lips for a sweet, chaste kiss. Jensen reaches over and brings a hand to the back of Jared’s head, pulling him in closer and deepening the kiss, parting his lips and pressing the tip of his tongue against Jared’s closed mouth. Jared parts his own lips and lets Jensen’s tongue into his mouth to lightly twist and tease with his own. Jared slides a hand down Jensen’s back and slips it underneath Jensen’s flannel shirt, spanning the warm, supple skin at the small of his back with his long fingers. 

They stay like that for several long moments, finally parting to catch their breath. Jensen’s lips are flushed deep pink and slightly swollen, and they quirk up in a shy smile as Jared runs a hand through his breeze-tangled hair. Between them, Sadie sleeps on, her soft puffs of breath warming Jared’s thigh where her muzzle is pressed against his leg. Jensen stands up and carefully steps over and around Sadie to join Jared on his other side. He sits down next to Jared, his hips and thighs pressed against Jared’s own, and stretches an arm across Jared’s shoulders. He draws Jared to him and kisses Jared with all the confidence he possesses. 

They stay like that for awhile, just trading lazy, contented kisses and caresses appropriate for public space. Not that there’s anyone else around them, but they’re mindful of the fact that it’s a municipal beach that all the residents can access. 

When Sadie wakes up, Jared pulls Jensen up by one hand and wraps an arm around his waist. “Time to go home. You’ve got practicing to do.”

Jensen smiles with shiny, kiss-swollen lips. “Yeah, I guess I do.”


	8. Stick With Me, Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen prepares for his first show, with Jared's help.

Life at home settles into a comfortable routine. Jared gets Jensen set up with a mic and his laptop, and Jensen starts working on a new demo. He practices for an hour and a half and then records for another couple of hours. He also asks Jared to get him some colored pencils and a sketchbook so he can work on a cover. That forces Jared to get in his car so he can drive to the craft store.

When he sits down behind the wheel, he can feel the panic hovering just at the edge of his consciousness, like a thick fog. He takes a deep breath and grasps the wheel in one hand and Sadie’s neck in the other. He’s got her belted in a harness in the passenger seat, sporting her work jacket and leash. He takes a deep, shaking breath and turns on the car.

The car rumbles to life beneath him. He does the 54321 exercise, focusing on the five things he can see (the steering wheel, the dashboard, Sadie, the clock, and the gearshift lever), four things he can hear (the engine hum, the radio, Sadie’s breath, and his own breath), three things he can smell (the acrid dust from the unused heater, the leather of the steering wheel, and Sadie), two things he can taste (the remnants of coffee on his lips, and the cold air from the vent), and one thing he can touch (the steering wheel). He swallows hard and eases the car away from the curb.

He doesn’t encounter much traffic on the way to town, for which he’s grateful, and he parks in the back of the parking lot, away from all the other cars. He and Sadie walk the full length of the parking lot to get to the store, and Jared can feel his heart slowing as he takes slow, deliberate steps. 

He finds the watercolor pencils Jensen asked for, and buys him a set of sketch pencils besides, just in case. He also buys a large top-bound sketchbook with a black cover and a pencil sharpener that runs on batteries. He knows Jensen will protest that Jared spent too much money on him, because Jensen thinks even a couple dollars is too much, but Jared’s happy to do it. Having Jensen around just adds so much to Jared’s life. He didn’t realize just how much he needed another person in his life. When he moved out of Anaheim, he left behind all the friends he made there, and he hasn’t kept in touch at all. He occasionally talks to his college friends on Facebook, but they’re scattered across the country. 

Jared pays for the purchase and the young cashier gushes over Sadie. Normally Jared would be annoyed, but this time he just thanks her and promises to give Sadie a few extra pets when he gets home. He smiles at the young woman and leaves the store with a large bag.

When Jared gets back to the apartment, the red bandanna that Jared asked Jensen to tie around the doorknob when he’s recording is still in place, so Jared takes Sadie on a small jaunt around the neighborhood. When they get back, the bandanna is gone, so Jared unlocks the door and goes in.

Jensen’s sitting in front of the laptop when Jared and Sadie enter. Jared takes off Sadie’s leash and jacket and nods to Jensen. Jensen looks up, startled. “Oh, wow, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“You were busy,” replies Jared. He hands over the bag. “I got everything you wanted, and a little more besides.”

Jensen opens the bag and goes through it. “You really didn’t have to, but thank you.”

Jared grins. “You’re welcome.” He extends a hand. “You want to take a coffee break?”

“I think I’d rather take a beer break, if you’ve got any.” Jensen accepts Jared’s hand and lets Jared pull him to his feet.

Jared chuckles. “Yeah, I’ve got a six-pack in the pantry and some mugs in the freezer.”

Jensen smiles. “Lead the way.”

Jared retrieves the frosty mugs from the freezer and opens two beers. He pours them out and hands one to Jensen. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem.” Jared sits down at the kitchen table with his own beer. “How’s it going?”

Jensen nods. “Not too bad. I’m a little rusty at mixing, but it’s coming back. I think I should be ready to burn them by Wednesday night.”

“That’s great!” Jared sips his beer. “Right on time, then. How many copies were you planning to make?”

“Just fifteen or twenty to start,” replies Jensen. He takes a long draught of his beer. “If I run out, I run out, but I doubt that’ll happen. I don’t think RJ Claske is going to be that popular.”

Jared frowns. “What?”

“My stage name,” says Jensen. “RJ Claske. I just rearranged the letters of my real name.”

“I don’t even know your real name,” Jared replies softly.

Jensen shakes his head. “It’s safer for both of us that way.”

“I know,” says Jared, “but I hate that.”

Jensen sighs. “I do too, believe me. It’s not a fun way to live.” He looks up at Jared and gives him a halfhearted smile. “But at least I’m not alone anymore.”

“No, you’re not.” Jared smiles. “And neither am I.”

Jensen sips his beer. “You want to go down to the beach when I’m done? We can take sandwiches and make a night of it.”

Jared nods, still smiling. “That sounds great.” He stands up. “I’ve got a box of pasta salad in the cupboard. I’ll get it started.”

Jensen finishes his beer. “I’ve gotta get back to it. Thanks for the beer.”

“Anytime.” Jared retrieves the box from the pantry, and then steps behind Jensen and and clasps his shoulder. He leans down and kisses him on the cheek while taking his empty mug out of his hand. Jensen grins and tips his head up to kiss Jared’s jaw. That makes Jared grin as well.

Jared takes the empty mugs to the sink and washes them out while Jensen goes back to the computer. Jared busies himself with preparing food and listening to the scraps of music that come from the laptop in the living room. 

Jensen takes his art supplies to the beach with them, and once they’ve eaten and played with Sadie, he pulls out his colored pencils and sketchbook and flips to a blank page. Jared watches as Jensen starts drawing the jetty in sharp, dark lines, and then begins to fill in the colors of the setting sun in both the sky and the water. Jensen blends colors beautifully, skillfully. Jared raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you could draw.”

Jensen shrugs. “I’m just playing around.”

“It looks really nice,” says Jared. 

“Thanks,” Jensen says absently, not really sounding like he means it. 

Sadie flops down beside Jared and he starts petting her as Jensen continues to color. Jared thinks about the great meals Jensen cooks and wonders what other skills he hides because he thinks—or more likely, he’s been told—that his efforts are subpar. 

Jensen finishes the drawing. “Can I see it?” asks Jared. Jensen reluctantly hands it over.

“This is beautiful,” breathes Jared. “You gonna use this for your album cover?”

“I might.” Jensen looks out at the ocean, at the sun sinking into the waves, and leans back on his elbows. “It’s so beautiful here. I can barely do it justice.”

“No, you really did,” argues Jared, handing the sketchbook back to Jensen. He closes it and sets it aside. “You’re a lot better than you think you are.”

Jensen ducks his head. Jared moves to Jensen’s side and puts an arm around his shoulders. “I swear, I’m not just saying that,” he murmurs in Jensen’s ear. “I really think you’re talented. And I hate that you don’t agree.”

Jensen shrugs. “It’s just—he put me down so much, I started to believe him. He seemed so much smarter and cooler than me, so I thought he knew what he was talking about.”

Jared pulls Jensen close and rests his chin on the crown of Jensen’s head. “Monday morning I’m going to therapy and I want you to come with me.”

Jensen hesitates. “Okay,” he finally says, sounding unsure.

“And after that, we’re gonna take this—” He taps on the sketchbook cover, “to the print shop and get the covers made.”

Jensen nods slightly, mindful of Jared’s head on top of his own. “Sounds good to me.”

Jared grins. “Stick with me, kid. We’re gonna make it—together.”


	9. Making New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen plays his show and both of them meet some new friends.

Thursday evening, Jared packs Jensen’s guitar case and his small box of demo CDs into his car and buckles Sadie into the backseat with them. Jensen’s already buckles up in the passenger seat when Jared gets into the driver’s seat. Jensen’s face is almost white, making his freckles stand out in sharp relief. Jared pats Jensen’s knee and smiles softly. “You’re gonna be fine, Jen. You can do this.”

Jensen bites his lip but doesn’t say anything. Jared rubs Jensen’s shoulder. “I promise, everything’s gonna be okay. You’ll do great. Just forget about everybody else and pretend it’s just me and Sadie out there.”

Jensen gives a tiny nod. “Okay,” he breathes. “Okay. I can probably do that.”

Jared drives them down to the coffee shop. Jensen carries in his guitar and his box of CDs while Jared brings Sadie in. They locate a seat near the front for Jared and Sadie, and they set out the CDs for sale along with a sign that Jensen made. Jared gives Jensen a big hug and a gentle kiss. “Go be awesome,” he whispers in Jensen’s ear. “I know you can do it.”

Jensen gives him a wobbly smile and goes to set up in the small circle marked off as the performance space. A young Asian-American man comes out from the back room and helps Jensen set up and test the mic and amp. He seems to set Jensen at ease, because after a few minutes they’re smiling and joking with one another. Jared can’t help but smile as well. It would be great for Jensen to make some friends. 

Jensen starts his set right on the dot of seven. He sits on a wooden stool and adjusts the mic slightly. “Hey y’all, I’m RJ Claske, and I’m gonna play some music for you tonight.” There’s a small scattering of applause—the cafe is about half full—and Jensen starts off with “Simple Man.” He’s a little shaky at first, but he relaxes into it after the first verse, and Jared smiles as the real Jensen, the one he met on the beach that first day, starts to shine through.

The crowd applauds loudly when he’s done, and Jensen grins shyly and nods. He starts in on one of his original songs, and the crowd seems to really get into it. He plays another original song before playing a cover of “The Weight,” which the audience really seems to enjoy, probably because it’s such a classic that everybody knows it well. He goes back and forth between covers and originals, and when he takes a break, several people come over to Jared’s table to buy Jensen’s CD. 

Jared catches his eye and gives him a big smile. Jensen returns it with a surprising amount of confidence. Jared winks at him, and his cheeks go pink. It’s adorable. 

Jensen ends up doing an encore that Jared knows wasn’t planned, just because the audience won’t let him go. Jensen plays the song that Jared now knows is “Like Rock and Roll and Radio,” by Ray LaMontagne, which is one of Jensen’s favorites. The crowd starts cheering before he even finishes the last line. While Jensen and the Asian-American kid tear down, Jared sells out of Jensen’s CDs. 

The last person to buy one is a young redhead who introduces herself as Felicia. “What’s your dog’s name?” she asks after she’s handed over the cash.

“Sadie,” answers Jared.

“Where did she get her training?”

Jared pulls out his phone and looks up the name of the trainer. “A private trainer named Kim Rhodes,” he tells her. “Why? Are you interested in training one yourself?”

“Actually, I’m a grad student in clinical psych at Cal Lutheran, and I’d love to sit down and talk with you about your experiences with her, if you don’t mind.” She pulls a card out of her purse and hands it over. It has both her phone number and email address.

Jared glances over at Jensen. He’s talking to a couple audience members and seems content enough, so Jared nods. “Yeah, I guess that’d be okay.”

Felicia smiles. “Great! Are you in town, or—?”

“Yeah, I’m down by the beach,” says Jared. “How about you?”

“I’ve got an internship here,” replies Felicia. “My office hours end at four tomorrow. You want to meet here around five?”

Jared nods. “Sure. You mind if I bring my—” He glances at Jensen again. They’ve never really defined their relationship. He decides to take the plunge. “My boyfriend?”

She looks over at Jensen and smiles even wider. “I don’t mind if you guys don’t.”

Jared nods. “Thanks.” He catches Jensen’s eye, and Jensen waves at him and mouths _be right there_. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow.” She holds up the CD she just bought. “You think he’d sign it for me?”

Jared chuckles. “I don’t see why not.”

Jensen joins them then. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Great show tonight,” Felicia says.

“Thanks,” replies Jensen. 

“Anyway, I gotta go,” says Felicia. “Thanks for the CD.”

“Thanks for buying it,” says Jensen. “Much appreciated.”

Felicia leaves, and Jared tells Jensen about their appointment the next day. Jensen chuckles. “I was just gonna ask if you wanted to stop by tomorrow. Osric says he owes me a free latte for performing.” Jared frowns at the unfamiliar name. “Oh, he’s the barista-slash-sound guy who was helping me before. He says his boss wants to talk to me about a permanent slot.”

“Wow, that’s great!” Jared hugs him. “I knew they’d love you.”

Jensen’s cheeks turn pink again. “Yeah, it went better than I even hoped.”

“Because you’re awesome.” Jared kisses Jensen’s flushed cheek. “I know it, and now these guys know it too.” 

Jensen peers into the box of CDs that’s now sitting empty. “Oh my God, you sold them all?”

Jared grins. “Every single one. We’re gonna have to make more for next time.”

Jensen holds up a white envelope. “Luckily, we’ve got the cash to buy more.” He hands the envelope to Jared. “Here, it’s yours, anyway.”

Jared opens it up and flips through it. There’s three fifty-dollar bills and five twenties. He gives it back to Jensen. “This is your money. You earned it.”

Jensen refuses to take it. “I’m paying you back for the microphone and the craft supplies and my share of food and living expenses.” He takes the envelope and puts it in Jared’s shirt pocket. “I insist.”

“Okay, if you insist.” Jared grabs the empty box and Sadie’s leash and gestures towards the door. He really doesn’t want Jensen to feel beholden to him, but obviously he does, and there’s not really much Jared can do about that. 

The trip home is uneventful, although Jared’s a little unnerved to be driving in the dark. Luckily, the streets are well-lit and deserted. Back at the house, Jensen puts his guitar away and flops down on the couch. “Man, I’m beat.”

Jared sits down beside him and stretches an arm around his shoulders. “You were amazing tonight.” He curves a hand around the back of Jensen’s neck. “How about I take you to bed and give you a massage?”

Jensen closes his eyes. “That would be heavenly.”

Jared stands up and extends a hand. “Come on, then.”

Jensen smiles and takes his hand. “Lead the way.”


	10. Safe With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared gives Jensen a massage that turns into more.

Jared stops Jensen beside the bed and kisses him while he starts to unbutton Jensen’s green shirt, the one that makes his eyes look like emeralds. He eases the shirt off of Jensen’s narrow shoulders and hangs it on the closet doorknob without breaking the kiss. Then he unbuttons Jensen’s jeans and gently tugs those off as well, leaving him in only boxers. Jared draws back. “Lie down,” he whispers into Jensen’s ear. 

Jensen lies down on his stomach and turns his head so his cheek is pressed to the pillow and he’s facing Jared. Jared slips off his own clothes and straddles Jensen’s legs. “This okay?” he murmurs.

“Yeah,” breathes Jensen. He moves his head so his forehead is pressed to the pillow and his neck isn’t twisted awkwardly.

Jared starts kneading Jensen’s neck in circles with his thumbs, increasing the pressure in increments. Jensen moans in pleasure and Jared shifts his attention to Jensen’s shoulders, using the pads of both fingers and thumbs to relieve the tension he can feel, probably left over from Jensen’s performance. Jensen sighs heavily. “Feels good,” he murmurs.

Jared works his way down Jensen’s shoulder blades to the broad, freckled planes of his upper back. His skin is warm and soft, and his muscles yield easily to Jared’s dexterous fingers. Jared shifts then to using the palm and heel of his hand to dig deep, and Jensen starts letting out little soft sighs and moans of pleasure. 

Jared makes his way down to the small of Jensen’s back, first kneading with his fingers and then the heels of his hands. Any further and he’ll have to undress Jensen entirely and he’s not sure if Jensen’s ready for that, so he wraps it up with gentle strokes and then lies down next to Jensen. Jensen turns onto his side to face him and Jared gently presses his lips to Jensen’s. “How was that?”

“Amazing,” moans Jensen. “You have the best hands.”

Jared grins. “And here I thought I was rusty.”

“Couldn’t prove it by me,” replies Jensen. He reaches up and runs his fingers through Jared’s hair. “I’d return the favor, but my hands are all calloused and rough.”

Jared rests a hand on Jensen’s side, just above the curve of his hip. “Your hands belong to your guitar,” he says. “My hands belong to you.”

Jensen smiles softly. “And Sadie.”

Jared chuckles and nods. “And Sadie,” he agrees. “But she’s not here.”

“No,” breathes Jensen. “She’s not.” He brushes a thumb over Jared’s cheekbone, fingers still tangled in Jared’s hair. He leans up and kisses Jared, slow and soft.

Jared skims his hand over Jensen’s chest and takes one nipple in between two fingers, teasing it to hardness. Jensen arches his back and leans into the touch. Jared slides his hand over to Jensen’s other nipple and rolls it between fingers, bringing it to hardness as well. Jensen’s lips quirk up into a smile where they’re pressed to Jared's, and Jared traces patterns over them with the tip of his tongue. Jensen parts his lips and meets Jared’s tongue with his own. They kiss lazily for a long moment before Jared pulls back and instead takes Jensen’s nipple between his lips and flicks the tip of his tongue over the sensitive pink bud. Jensen tips his head back and moans. 

Jared kisses a trail across Jensen’s chest to his other nipple. He takes this one between his teeth and bites down just for a quick second, just long enough to make Jensen cry out. “Quit teasin’,” growls Jensen.

Jared raises his head. “What do you want?”

Jensen reaches down and shoves his boxers off to reveal his cock already hard and leaking pre-come. “Blow me? Please?”

“You sure?”

Jensen nods, biting his lip. “Yeah. Do it.”

Jared traces a fingertip around Jensen’s navel and then runs it down to the very tip of his cock, eliciting a full-body shiver from Jensen. He lightly brushes a bead of pre-come from the slit and Jensen’s hips buck involuntarily. “Relax,” breathes Jared. “Lemme take care of you.” 

Jared takes the head of Jensen’s cock into his mouth and runs the tip of his tongue around the underside. Jensen lets out a bitten-off groan and arches his back. Jared flutters his tongue over the slit and Jensen goes boneless beneath him with a strained, “fucking _God_!”

“I usually go by Jared,” replies Jared with a smirk. He laves a thick stripe up the underside of Jensen’s cock and then takes as much of the length as he can manage into his mouth. Jensen’s not as big as Jared is, but he ain’t small, either. Jensen thrusts upwards and Jared eagerly takes him in. He nods slightly, letting Jensen know he’s doing the right thing, and Jensen starts to fuck his mouth in earnest. Jared takes Jensen’s balls in one hand and starts to stroke them, and Jensen stutters in his rhythm but quickly recovers. 

“I’m so close,” growls Jensen. He thrusts a few more times and then comes, shooting thick ropes of come down Jared’s throat. Jared swallows it all and releases Jensen’s cock with a succulent _pop_. He flops down next to Jensen and tries to catch his breath.

It’s then that Jensen reaches for Jared’s cock, which is straining against the damp fabric of his boxers. Jared quickly sheds the shorts and Jensen jacks him with quick, firm strokes. Jared tips his head back and Jensen kisses his chin and jaw before starting to suck a claiming mark into his neck. Jared gives up trying to divide his attention between warring sensations and just lets himself go boneless in Jensen’s arms. 

Jensen nudges Jared’s chin with his nose. “You good?”

“Hell yeah,” Jared groans. Jensen grins and jacks Jared harder until Jared comes with a guttural growl. Jensen pumps him through it and Jared reaches for a tissue to clean himself up. Jensen plucks it out of his hands and does it himself with exaggerated care. 

As he leans over Jared to reach the trash can, Jared presses his lips to the junction of Jensen’s neck and shoulder and gives him a claiming mark of his own. Jensen runs a hand down his back to cup his ass and pulls him close. “Thank you,” whispers Jensen.

Jared shakes his head. “You can cut the formality now, man. We’re in bed.”

Jensen pushes up on one elbow and looks deep into Jared’s eyes. “I mean it. You showed me that I can trust you, that you’re looking out for me, and I haven’t had that in a really long time.” His voice breaks on the last few words. 

Jared kisses Jensen’s forehead. “You’re welcome,” he murmurs. “I care about you, Jensen. I want you to feel safe with me.”

Jensen nods, smiling softly. “I do.”


	11. Jared Opens Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen makes a new friend and Jared opens up about his past.

Jared, Jensen, and Sadie walk to the coffee shop the next day to meet their new friends. When they get there, Jensen steers them to the counter. Osric, the young barista, is behind the espresso machine. He grins when he notices Jensen. “Hey, man, what’s up?”

Jensen points to Jared. “Did you meet Jared?”

Osric shakes his head. “Not officially.” He waves. “Nice to meet you, dude. What’re you having? It’s on the house.”

“A vanilla latte?” replies Jared.

“Coming right up.” Osric grabs the biggest paper cup and gestures toward the seating area. “Have a seat, I’ll bring ‘em out.”

Jared looks around. Felicia doesn’t appear to be in the shop yet, so they take a seat in the back at a four-top. Sadie sits down next to Jared’s chair and Jared pats her head. 

Osric brings two steaming cups over to the table. He sets one in front of each of them. “Sheppard’s in the back, he wanted to talk to you,” he tells Jensen. “You sticking around for a while?”

Jensen nods. “Yeah, I’ll be here.”

“I’ll have him come out when he has a minute.” Osric looks down at Sadie and his eyes light up. “Oh, wow, awesome dog!” 

Jared chuckles. “Thanks.”

“She’s working, right? So I can’t pet her?” Osric sounds dismayed.

Jared nods. “Yeah, those are the rules.”

“She need any water or anything?”

“Water would be great,” replies Jared.

Osric grins. “Be right back.”

He returns a few minutes later with a metal bowl of water and a plate with a bone-shaped cookie on it. “Danneel makes these,” he says to Jared, pointing to the brunette barista at the cash register. “They’re peanut butter and pumpkin.”

Jared raises an eyebrow. “Interesting combination.” He takes the biscuit and offers it to Sadie, who sniffs it for a second before snapping it up and downing it happily. 

Osric grins. “That’s the usual reaction.”

“You get a lot of dogs in here?”

“Not in here, of course,” says Osric, “but a couple of our regulars sit outside with their dogs. There’s this one guy, Scott, who has a Boston terrier who’s pretty much our mascot.” 

“That’s cool,” says Jared.

“We can’t have dogs where I live, so this is the only place I ever get to see them,” Osric goes on. “We can’t have cats, either. Only caged rodents or fish.”

Jensen wrinkles his nose. “Ew. I mean, I know that means hamsters and guinea pigs, but cages are gross.”

“My college roommate had a chinchilla,” says Osric. “It was pretty cool. He had a tarantula and a turtle, too.”

“Please tell me you lived off-campus,” replies Jared.

Osric laughs. “Yeah. The place didn’t have any carpet, so the landlord didn’t really give a shit about pets. The tarantula and the turtle lived in glass terrariums, so no mess, and the chinchilla had a huge guinea pig cage that fit the dust bath, so they weren’t really that messy.”

“Well, if we ever need a dog sitter, I know who to call,” says Jared.

Osric’s eyes light up. “That would be awesome!”

Jensen laughs. “Remember that for when we want a night to ourselves.”

“Hey, Os, wanna do your job now?” calls Danneel from the counter.

“Gotta go,” apologizes Osric. “Talk to you later.” He waves and darts back behind the counter.

Jared sips his latte, which is still almost too hot to drink, but it tastes fantastic. He nods at Jensen. “Good coffee.”

Jensen sips his own drink, which Osric made without Jensen ordering it, so Jared has no idea what Jensen has. “Yeah, it’s pretty great. I haven’t had really good coffee in weeks.”

“So they could pay you in coffee and you’d be perfectly happy?”

Jensen pretends to glare at him. “Not exactly, but the free coffee is a damn good perk of the job.”

Osric waves at Jensen and points to a short older man who’s standing next to a door behind the counter. Jensen stands up. “I’m gonna go talk to the owner. See you later.”

Once Jensen disappears into the back room, Felicia comes in. She puts in an order at the counter and then sits down in Jensen’s vacated seat. “Hey, Jared. Been waiting long?”

Jared shakes his head. “No, just about five minutes.”

She sets down her bag and pulls out an iPad and a wireless keyboard. “I’m gonna be making notes,” she says. “Is that okay? I can record you if you’d prefer, and make notes later.”

He definitely doesn’t want to be recorded. “Notes are fine.”

She nods and taps on the screen a few times. Then she turns it around to reveal a document. “Could you read over this and then sign your name at the bottom?” she says, handing over a stylus.

Jared reads it over. It’s a consent form, one he’s familiar with from his own college days. He participated in a few psych studies in order to make extra money when he was an undergrad. He skims through it and then writes his name in the designated space. He hands the iPad back to her.

“Thanks,” she says, smiling. She taps on the screen a few times. “So, we’ll start with some baseline questions. First, your full name and birth date.” 

“Jared Tristan Padalecki, July 19, 1982.”

“Occupation?”

“Retired teacher.”

“Oh really?” She looks up in surprise. “What did you teach?”

“Middle-grade math and algebra,” he answers. 

“What school?”

“Dale Junior High in Anaheim.”

“Did you retire because of a medical condition?”

Jared takes a deep breath. “I guess you could say that.”

She looks up, one eyebrow raised. “Please elaborate?”

“It’s not exactly a medical condition,” says Jared slowly. “I was involved in a shooting incident at the school, and I have PTSD from it. I was granted early retirement with full pension due to the nature of the situation.”

She keeps typing, but she keeps glancing at him with sympathetic eyes. “Were you injured?”

Jared nods, swallowing hard. “I was shot in the chest and the bullet nicked my left lung. My lung collapsed, and I was in the hospital for ten days.”

Felicia’s fingers still. “Were there fatalities?”

Jared closes his eyes. “Three students were pronounced dead at the scene. Four others were taken to the hospital and received treatment before succumbing to their injuries.” He takes a long draught of his now-temperate latte and places a hand on Sadie’s neck, grounding himself so he can continue. He’s never talked this much to anyone besides his doctors.

“Was the shooter one of the deceased?” 

Jared just nods. Sadie presses one paw to Jared’s leg and Jared takes a deep, shaking breath. “I’m okay,” he whispers to her. He almost believes it.

“Do you need a minute?” asks Felicia in a soft voice. She’s not typing anymore.

Jared shakes his head. “I just want to get this over with.”

“So when in your recovery did your treatment team recommend a service dog?”

“About three months after the incident,” says Jared, glad to be in slightly less emotionally-fraught territory. “I was having nightmares and flashbacks multiple times a day, and it was impeding my physical recovery. I already had Sadie, and my psychiatrist recommended that she be trained as a service dog. She found a trainer who would work with both of us together, and it took about nine months of training before she was ready to perform in public at all, and an additional six months of skill refinement after that. During that time we mainly stayed either in my apartment or on the beach right outside it.”

“What specific tasks does she perform for you?”

“She can recognize the beginnings of nightmares and flashbacks and she’s trained to attract and redirect my attention before they become debilitating.”

“How does she do that?”

“Through touch, mostly, and occasionally vocalization.”

“Have you made measurable progress in your recovery since she was fully trained?”

Jared nods. “Not as much as I would like, but she’s definitely been a big help. I wouldn’t be nearly as functional without her.”

Felicia’s fingers fly over the keys. “Have you ever been denied entry to any businesses or other public establishments because of her?”

Jared shakes his head. “No, everybody around here has been good about it. I only really go to the grocery store and the library. I don’t drive much.”

“Has anyone ever harassed you in public?”

“No.” Jared raises an eyebrow. “Does that really happen?”

She nods. “Sadly, it does. Especially when the person isn’t visibly disabled.”

Jared shrugs. “Most people assume I’m a veteran and leave me alone. After ‘can I pet her,’ that’s the number-one question I get.”

Jensen comes back to the table then with a giant cupcake and a smile on his face. “Are we almost done?” asks Jared.

Felicia smiles at Jensen. “Hi. Yeah, we’re almost done. I just have one more question.”

Jared nods. “Okay, shoot.”

“Have you ever felt guilt or shame for needing a service dog? Or has anyone else ever attempted to make you feel guilt or shame?”

Jared shakes his head. “No to both. Sometimes I wish I didn’t need a service dog just to get some sleep at night, but that’s not guilt or shame, it’s just wishful thinking.”

Felicia stops typing and slips her keyboard into her bag. “Thanks so much for answering my intrusive questions,” she says with an apologetic smile. “You’ve been a big help.”

Jared forces a smile of his own. “I can’t say it was fun, but you’re welcome.”

She puts her iPad in her bag and hoists it onto her shoulder. “I gotta run, but I owe you a drink next time I see you. When do you play next?” she asks Jensen.

“A week from Thursday,” answers Jensen.

She grins. “I’ll be here.” She waves and steps away from the table. “See ya! Thanks again.”

Jensen takes the seat she vacated and scoots it close to Jared. “You okay?” he asks in a low voice.

“I will be,” replies Jared. 

Jensen clasps Jared’s shoulder and kisses him on the cheek. Then he picks up a knife and cuts the giant cupcake in half. He pushes the plate and a plastic fork in front of Jared. “Here, this oughta make you feel better.”

Jared picks up the fork and takes a bite of the cupcake. It’s red velvet, which isn’t his favorite, but even so, it’s really damn good. He takes another bite. “Wow, that’s totally working.”

Jensen smiles. He picks up the other fork and starts on his half. “Signing bonus,” he explains. “I’ve officially got a regular gig. Every other Thursday night, 7:00 to 9:00.”

“That’s great!” Jared swallows and draws Jensen in for a proper congratulatory kiss. He tastes of chocolate and sugary frosting with a hint of coffee underneath, and it’s intoxicating. Jared doesn’t break the kiss until Sadie flops down on the floor with an annoyed sigh.

Jared shakes his head and reaches down to pet her. “Are you jealous, girl? Don’t worry, I’ll always love you best.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

Jared kisses Jensen again. “What do you think?”


	12. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen both have a bad night, but Sadie makes it better.

Jensen makes dinner that night, for which Jared is exceedingly grateful. It’s just cabbage and noodles with smoked sausage, but it’s really good in a comfort-food kind of way, which is just want Jared needs. While they’re eating, Jensen presses his leg against Jared’s under the table. “You okay?”

Jared shakes his head. “Not really.”

“You wanna talk?”

“That’s the last thing I wanna do,” answers Jared, struggling not to snap at Jensen.

“You sure it wouldn’t help?”

Jared calls Sadie over from where she’s licking the last crumbs out of her food dish. She trots to his side and he gratefully sinks one hand into her fur. 

Jensen takes his empty plate to the sink and rinses it off. “Take your time,” he tells Jared when he returns to the table.

Jared shoves his half-full plate towards Jensen. “No, I’m done.”

Jensen frowns. “You didn’t eat much.”

“Not hungry.” Jared shrugs. 

Jensen picks it up. “I’ll put it in the fridge in case you want it later.” He takes it to the counter and covers it with plastic wrap. Then he takes Jared’s hand and pulls him to his feet. “Come on. We’ll go down to the beach. I’ll bring my guitar.”

Jared nods. “Yeah, that’s—I’d like that.”

Jensen retrieves his guitar and Jared puts Sadie’s jacket and leash on. They walk down to the now-darkened beach and take their usual places on the jetty. The reflection of the half moon dances on the gentle waves that lap softly against the stone. There’s a light breeze that carries a heavy scent of salt. Jensen takes his guitar out of the case and starts to play an acoustic version of Prince’s “Kiss” that actually makes Jared smile. It’s so not Jensen’s usual style, and when he finishes he explains that a friend of his actually came up with it and taught it to him.

“Do you miss your friends?” asks Jared.

Jensen takes a deep breath. “I wasn’t seeing very much of them by the end,” he says in a low voice. “Mark pretty much cut me off from them. Classic warning sign that I didn’t want to acknowledge.”

“Why did you stay so long?”

Jensen ducks his head. “I was scared. He was a District Justice, so he was friendly with most of the local cops, and I knew he could get away with pretty much anything. So I stayed until I couldn’t stand it anymore.”

“Was he hurting you?”

Jensen nods, still looking down at his feet. “He knew not to leave marks. He’d bang the back of my head into the wall, so the bruise would be under my hair, and he’d twist my arm or hit me in the stomach so the damage would naturally be covered.”

Jared clasps Jensen’s shoulder. “I’m glad you got away from him.”

“Me too,” murmurs Jensen, his voice shaking. 

Jared stretches his arm across Jensen’s shoulders and pulls him close, nudging the neck of the guitar out of the way. Jensen rests his head on Jared’s shoulder and his breath hitches. They sit there in silence until Jared gently sets the guitar aside and instructs Sadie to crawl over his legs and settle between him and Jensen. Sadie presses a firm paw to Jensen’s knee and nudges his chin with her nose. Jensen rests his hand on the back of her neck and pets her absently. It’s then that Jared sees a tear roll down Jensen’s cheek, and Sadie licks it away before it has a chance to drop onto Jensen’s shirt. Jensen grins at that, and Sadie licks his face a couple more times until Jensen chuckles and lightly pushes her away. “Down, girl. I’m okay now.”

“You sure?” asks Jared, patting Sadie on the back. 

Jensen nods and sniffles. “Yeah.” He scratches Sadie under her chin. “You’re a good girl. You did your job.”

Jared smiles. “Yeah, she’s the best.”

Jensen pets Sadie for a long minute and then picks up his guitar. He starts to play “The Weight,” and Jared sings along with him even though he knows he can’t sing for shit. Jensen doesn’t seem to mind, though, and Sadie lies down between them and rests her head on Jared’s knee. 

Jensen plays a couple more songs before putting his guitar back in the case. “It’s freezing out here,” complains Jensen. It’s true; the temperature’s been dropping steadily the whole time they’ve been out there. Jared stands up and takes Jensen’s free hand, leading him off the jetty and onto the sand. 

“You feeling better now?” asks Jensen as they walk toward Jared’s apartment. 

Jared nods. “Much better. How about you?”

Jensen gives him a small smile. “I’ll be a lot better once I’m in bed with you.”

Jared smiles back. “I think that can be arranged.”


	13. Forever Isn't Long Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Jensen finally consummate their burgeoning relationship. For the prompt, "'I love you' said with a shuddering gasp."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt "'I love you' said with a shuddering gasp."

When they get home, Sadie heads straight for her bed and Jared chuckles. “Guess we wore her out.” He follows her into the bedroom. Jensen hesitates, but Jared extends a hand. “Come on in, Jen. Get comfortable.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow. “How comfortable?”

Jared starts to unbutton Jensen’s flannel shirt. “Totally comfortable.” He eases the shirt off of Jensen’s narrow shoulders and tosses it aside. He removes his own hoodie and t-shirt in one swift move.

Jensen smirks. “Nothin’ between us, huh?” He pulls off his undershirt and lays it on top of the pile. 

“Nothing at all,” murmurs Jared, kicking off his shoes and stepping out of his track pants. He runs a fingertip down Jensen’s sternum to his navel and Jensen shivers. He keeps going until he hits Jensen’s jeans and unbuttons them with one hand. With the other, he unzips them and slides them off Jensen’s slender hips. Jensen raises one leg and then the other, and Jared removes the constricting denim and throws it on top of the clothes heap. They’ll sort it out tomorrow. 

Jared presses a hand to the back of Jensen’s neck and pulls him in for a soft, sensual kiss. He slides a hand down the warm, supple skin of Jensen’s back and, without breaking the kiss, scoops Jensen up off the floor and lifts him onto the bed. Jensen shouts in surprise, but Jared keeps his lips firmly sealed to Jensen’s and swallows the objection. He hoists a leg over Jensen’s waist and climbs up on the bed, straddling Jensen’s hips and pressing their half-hard cocks together. 

Jared breaks the kiss to catch his breath. He gazes down at Jensen through half-lidded eyes, letting them roam over every freckled inch of ivory skin. 

“Fuckin’ Neanderthal,” complains Jensen, but there’s undeniable fondness in his glassy green eyes. 

“You love it and you know it,” replies Jared, skimming a hand over Jensen’s pec and teasing a nipple into hardness between two fingers. 

“It’s weird,” says Jensen, his tone oddly serious. “It should freak me out, the way you take control like that, but it doesn’t. It kinda makes me feel safe.”

Jared stops fondling Jensen and looks deep into his eyes. “I will _always_ keep you safe. I’d lay down my life for you. I mean it.”

“God, I hope you never have to,” replies Jensen, his voice breaking on the last few words. 

“Yeah, me too,” says Jared. “But I would. In a second.”

Jensen nods. “I would, too. No question.”

Jared leans down and presses his lips to Jensen’s, as if to seal the agreement with a kiss. Jensen reaches up and tangles his fingers in Jared’s hair, which he really seems to love. His other hand cups Jared’s ass and pulls him closer, pressing their hard cocks together and shooting sparks of pleasure down Jared’s spine. 

Jensen tips his chin up, breaking the kiss. “I need—I need to ask you something.”

Jared holds himself above Jensen with quivering arms. “What?”

“Would you…” Jensen swallows hard. “Would you fuck me?”

Jared leans back so he’s sitting on Jensen’s legs. “If that’s what you want,” he replies. “If you’re sure.”

Jensen nods. “I trust you.”

Jared grins. He reaches over Jensen to retrieve lube and a condom he hopes isn’t expired from the bedside table. “If you say ‘stop’, I’ll stop. No questions asked.”

Jensen shakes his head. “I won’t. I—I want new memories. Good memories, to drown out the bad ones.”

“I know what you mean,” murmurs Jared. He squirts a generous amount of lube on his fingers and swings one leg over Jensen so he’s lying beside him. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” breathes Jensen. Jared gently inserts one finger into Jensen’s tight, waiting hole. Jensen gasps and Jared hesitates, but Jensen relaxes in a matter of seconds. 

“You okay?”

Jensen nods. “Yeah. Just—take it slow.”

“No problem.” Jared gently pushes his finger further into Jensen’s hole, easing toward the ring of muscle and the spot that will make Jensen’s nerves sing with pleasure. 

Jared spreads the lube as evenly as he can, and adds another finger when he feels Jensen is ready. Jensen gasps, but stays relaxed, so Jared takes a chance and presses past the ring of muscle into Jensen’s sweet spot. Jensen slams his head against the pillow and cries out. “Easy, babe, take it easy,” urges Jared.

“Been so fuckin’ long…” moans Jensen. 

Jared draws back and gently spreads his fingers apart. Jensen’s head is still tipped back hard enough to hurt, the cords in his neck standing out like piano wires. Jared kisses Jensen to redirect his attention, and it seems to work almost instantaneously; Jensen relaxes and Jared is able to stretch him further. 

“I got you,” whispers Jared, nosing at Jensen’s ear. “I got you, baby. Just relax.”

“‘M tryin’,” growls Jensen.

Jared adds a third finger, stretching Jensen as much as he can. He hands the condom to Jensen, who opens it with care. Jared sits back on his heels and Jensen eases the condom down Jared’s considerable length. “God, you’re fuckin’ huge,” mutters Jensen.

Jared smirks. “Thank you kindly, sir.”

Jensen rolls his eyes at that. “Who’d’ya think y’are, John fuckin’ Wayne?” he drawls in his natural Texan accent. 

“Always fancied m’self the Clint Eastwood type,” Jared replies, matching Jensen’s drawl with one of his own. 

“Well, cowboy, y’gonna mount me or what?”

Jared grins wickedly at Jensen. “Ready for the ride of yer fuckin’ life?”

“Yeah,” breathes Jensen, fisting both hands in the sheets.

Jared eases his hard, straining cock into Jensen’s slick hole. Jensen gasps, but does his best to stay relaxed and open. “You okay?”

Jensen nods so hard Jared’s afraid he’s gonna pull something. “Yeah. Just—fuck me. Please?”

Jared pushes further in. Jensen tips his head back and Jared captures his Adam's apple with his lips, sucking lightly, not intending to leave a mark, but just keep Jensen’s attention occupied elsewhere so he’ll stay relaxed. Jared kisses a trail down Jensen’s throat to his chest and then to one nipple, which he takes between his teeth. Jensen moans and pushes Jared’s head upwards. “Just fuck me,” he growls.

Jared does as he’s told, drawing back and hitting home with precision, drawing a stuttering moan from Jensen’s swollen lips. “Like that,” he gasps, and Jared delivers as best he can, thrusting as hard and fast as he dares. 

Jensen’s eyes fall closed. “Juss’ li’thaa,” he groans, barely coherent. Jensen’s so fucking tight that Jared’s nearly driven mad with pleasure himself, and he fucks Jensen with relish, driving towards the amazing orgasm he knows is coming.

Jared hits the spot once, twice, and three times over, and Jensen comes with a shuddering gasp of “I love you.” And that’s it for Jared; he comes so hard he sees white sparks at the edge of his vision. He collapses next to Jensen and pants, “I love you too.”

They just lie there, catching their breath, for several long moments. Jensen rolls over and throws a leg over Jared’s hips. “I wasn’t just saying that,” he murmurs. “I do love you.”

“I love you, too,” murmurs Jared, wrapping a hand around the back of Jensen’s neck and pulling him in for a kiss. “Stay with me. Forever.”

Jensen smiles softly. “Forever isn’t long enough.”


End file.
